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What Would You Have Traded For Rob Gronkowski?

 As Weston
posted earlier today Authentic
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, your Houston Texans were reportedly in
talks, at some point earlier this offseason, with the New England Patriots about
acquiring Rob Gronkowski in trade.We have no idea how far along those
discussions got; it’s quite possible they never advanced beyond a preliminary
stage.Nevertheless, as a petty way to mine for content a thought exercise, I
want to know what you, if you were playing the role of Brian Gaine, would have
given up to add Gronkowski to the Texans.Gronk has two years left on his current
contract, and dissatisfaction with that deal was believed to be one of the
reasons, if not the primary driver, why Gronkowski skipped OTAs.So we’d have to
assume that a new contract for Gronk would be a consequence of any team trading
for him.What that deal would look like is entirely speculative, of course, but
here’s a list of the current largest tight end contracts; it stands to reason
that Gronkowski would want to reclaim his status as the game’s highest-paid at
his position, both in terms of average yearly salary and guaranteed dollars.The
Texans currently have all their selections in the 2019 NFL Draft, plus the
second-round pick they got from the Seahawks in the Duane Brown trade.Knowing
you’d have to pay him beyond 2019 via what’d likely be a market-setting deal,
which of those picks would you part with to add Rob Gronkowski if you were
running the Texans?Would a deal become more palatable if the focus was on 2020
picks?What would be your best and final offer to the Patriots if you were
serious about transforming the tight end position in Houston?Houston Sports
Ministry of Information’s Week Three Preview - New York Giants Rise for People’s
Anthem of Houston Texans:Comrades!Incorruptible voice of people’s football team
of Texas has returned after highly successful goodwill tour of allies in Eastern
Europe, whose love of Houston Texans is only surpassed by loyal fans and players
of our beloved city!Is heartening to see people have rallied behind our great
leader, Comrade Marshal O’Brien, with team now fully united under his unerring
and unending leadership.For good reason, too.Is feat rarely seen in football to
have coaching staff that provides such excessive consistency on yearly basis,
especially from coaching staff that has been beset by saboteurs like traitorous
general manager [REDACTED], whose name will be ignored by history and forgotten
by lunchtime Friday.Of 32 teams who play in league Womens
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, 30 teams would be overjoyed to show same
kind of disciplined commitment to consistency that Comrade Marshal O’Brien,
whose steely gaze strikes fear in enemies and more than few children, has
instilled in football-loving fans and players of Houston Texans.Only one team
would be backwards enough to not admire this glorious trait:fraudulently named
New York Giants.Why would such lowly team as Giants fly in face of such
breathtaking consistency?Imperialist decadence that comes from living in one of
most reviled places on earth outside of Nashville?Is hubris, same hubris that
would have world believe that New York does barbecue better than Mother Houston,
which is responsible for clearly delusional mindset?Far worse, comrades.Is
simple laziness on their part.After all, what else but laziness could explain
fact that very name was ripoff of own baseball team?How can any group look at
fresh new team, which Giants were long ago in pre-Texans Dark Age of Football,
and when deciding on new team name say “Eh, Giants sounds good for football
too.”Laziness, comrades, bane of excellence and consistency, which our Texans
are obsessively driven towards.It shows tremendous level of indifference that
would be unthinkable to average, stalwart Texans fan.Would also explain why they
continue to split tenancy in stadium in New Jersey, like shiftless thirty year
old who cannot be bothered to move out of parents’ (i.e., Jets) house.Enough
about indolence of underwhelming team.Let us now move onto quarterback and
part-time Forrest Gump cosplayer, Eli Manning.Has been some talk among
disreputable non-Ministry affiliated, sports news outlets that Manning, referred
to as “Diet Peyton” in halls of Ministry, could stand chance of putting up
yardage against Texans because, they claim Womens Zach
Cunningham Jersey
, of porousness of secondary, whose defensive
prowess has been known to cause fans to experience spontaneous pregnancies (and
not just women either).Ridiculous assertion could not be further from
truth.Mighty secondary is simply not afraid of Diet Peyton and is so unfazed by
him that they don’t even view him as threat.If he manages to connect with Odell
Beckham Jr. at some point for one-handed catch (a skill picked up thanks to
infinite patience of DeAndre Hopkins), it will serve as means to give Diet
Peyton false sense of security.While he thinks he has time to throw, malicious
front seven will pop him open like soda bottle and consume him, leaving nothing
left of four-and-a-half head quarterback.Pass rush should have little issue with
Giants’ offensive line, especially considering they have lost starting center
for season already with broken ankle.To this point, Giants’ offensive line has
given up eight sacks, six of which came against Dallas, whose pass rush consists
mostly of children and couple of incontinent polar bears.If that group of
misfits can cause that much havoc, imagine how many sacks and disruptions finest
pass rush in football will be able to muster.Giants’ defense could also be
short-handed, which will only make inevitable loss to glorious Texans that much
worse.As of writing, Giants cornerback Apple and star defensive lineman Olivier
Vernon hadn’t been to practice this week.Combine this with te traitor Connor
Barwin’s nonappearance at practice (though this could just be cowardice, being
unable to face team that gave him everything, which he promptly threw away), and
it could be recipe for Texans to score not just usual 40 points but up total to
60 points.Victory for Texans on Sunday would put them at 3-0 on year, which
would match best start to season they’ve had since last year, when they did not
lose single game on way to Super Bowl.Football-loving fans and players of
Houston Texans will toy with Giants of New York Jersey the way a cat toys
withbrain-damaged bird that keeps running into mirror.Comrade Marshal O’Brien,
lead us on to inevitable victory of the Texans!All glory to Mother
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